Welcome to Chiton Kingdom. We are one of the oldest kingdoms on
the planet. We have been around for millions of years doing our
You guys might do well to take a lesson from us. We mind our own
business, we live in a hardened bunker, and most important of all, we fly
below radar. How do you fly below radar? Simple. You
just don't move. We remain very still all the time. Most
predators won't know you are there if you don't move. The second you
make even the slightest movement, predators instantly detect your presence, and
dinner is served. Fight or flight isn't a method of survival; it's a
recipe for getting eaten.
A pelagic life-style does have its perks, but traveling
is overrated. It's expensive, and of course, when you travel,
you have to move, and as I said before, movement is the recipe for
We live in tidal regions on rocks and dead coral. You humans think
you invented superglue, but you're wrong. We formulated it millions of
years ago. If you don't believe us, just try dislodging us from the
rocks where we are hunkered down. It will be a real tug of war, and
unless you get out your hammer and chisel, we will win.
When chitons dance, we do a dance called the Bunker Hunker. It's the
only dance in the Milky Way Galaxy where you stand still. We have been watching human gyrations for countless millennia, and
so far we don't see any reason to alter the way we dance.
You guys need to learn to think out of the box. Try the Bunker Hunker.
You might like it.
Although we don't have a brain like human beings, we're not much different
from them in many respects. We eat, we sleep chiton style, and we
Not having a brain isn't that bad. A lot of humans have a mindless
existence just like us. They turn on their brains so infrequently,
they don't even know where the switch is. They have never had an original thought, and they aren't going
anywhere. They are making bun prints in the sands of time, and their
feet are superglued to their culture and nationality. If you examine
where they are now, and where they were ten years ago, you discover they
haven't changed their position in years, just like us.
If your life isn't going anywhere, you might want to join
us and become a member of the Chiton Kingdom. It's not that hard to
do. Just eat, sleep, and don't move. And, by the way, life is