I am a longtime disbeliever in aliens from other worlds. I have been
sailing on spaceship earth for more than half a century, and until recently
I've never seen a photograph that convinced me aliens exist.
It's hard to get the truth about aliens. People tell me the Air
Force is suppressing information regarding alien visits to our world. Some
people believe aliens established a beach head in Roswell, New Mexico, but
photographic documentation isn't convincing. Photos of alien
spaceships and otherworldly critters appear amateurish; anyone with minimal
knowledge of Adobe Photoshop could create better images than the ones
floating around in the hands of true believers.
One of the problems with identifying aliens is that we don't know what they
look like. Perhaps they are shaped like cashews or bananas and don't
have eyes and ears. If they look like pineapples, we should move our
search to Hawaii. If they are shaped like cans of diet coke, finding
them is hopeless, because diet coke is found in every nation on the planet. You'll have to detain a lot of coke cans and carefully
interrogate each one. That could take years, and exactly what rights
do cans of diet coke have in our judicial system? Can they be held
indefinitely without representation by counsel? Does the Geneva
convention apply to aliens masquerading as cans of diet coke?
People searching for aliens are probably looking for them in the wrong
places. They have been looking for aliens in Roswell for more than
fifty years and have nothing definitive to show for it. It seems
highly unlikely that turning over more rocks in Roswell will produce aliens.
If there are aliens, they probably aren't
stupid, and they wouldn't keep landing in Roswell where everyone is looking
for them. Instead, they would go where people aren't looking for them,
where they would fit in completely unnoticed by the general population.
Where could they go to find such a place? The answer is simple.
There's no better hiding places for aliens than carnival in Trinidad.
I took this photo of a possible alien in Trinidad. He flicks his
tongue in and out like a snake sniffing the air for prey. His sharp
pearly white teeth look curiously human, and I suspect that is part of his
disguise. The penetrating stare from his darting eyes is more than
suspicious. He might be shooting invisible lasers from his eyes
probing the structure of my DNA, or using X-ray vision to study the
of my bones. The most suspicious thing
about this otherworldly creature is the radio antenna on the top of his
head. I'm sure he was beaming signals up to space ships hidden from
our eyes by cloaking devices. The alien was obviously intelligent,
because he knew the cardinal principle of all aliens: always hide in plain
site. Don't run or jump into dumpsters to hide from people.
Simply strut bravely down the street with a can of beer in your hand, just
like all the non-aliens.
I hope the Air Force sends a team down to Trinidad to investigate these
unusual life forms. With the help of these photographs, the
aliens should be easy to locate. If the Air Force drops the ball and
only issues denials, we will make a call to CNN and the wire services.
I'm sure they would send a team of investigative journalists to get to the
bottom of the alien cover-up.